I love you
by Dooba
Summary: Unrequited love should never be left unspoken. My entry for the Twilight No Stress Love Fest. AH AU
1. 1  Bella

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_This was my entry for the Twilight No Stress Love Fest. Just a drabble, based on a prompt._

_Prompt: It's the end of summer. One last beach blowout bash before everyone scatters for good, off to colleges and jobs and life. One last chance to see him, to tell him how desperately I love him until he's gone... forever._

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><p>I've watched you. For years I think. A century and then some. You never saw me. Never noticed me. I watched from afar. Quietly worshipping from a distance. You never realized.<p>

I love you.

.

A party. One last time. Tonight. We'll all scatter. You are moving to the other side of the country. You never told me this, but I know. I heard. I cried. Tonight, I will say goodbye. I will let you go.

I love you.

.

I shopped for groceries with the girls. You hurry toward us to help get it all out of my truck. Your strong arms flex as they pick up the heavy bags, seemingly without effort. I watch, mesmerized. You look up at me and smile. My heart breaks a little.

I love you.

.

Party preparations. I help with the food, chatting and acting like nothing is wrong. Six of us; we're almost a coven. You will all leave. I think I am the only one staying. My future is here. I wonder what I will find, though, with you gone. I don't think the world can be colorful without you. You brighten my day.

I love you.

.

Beer, barbecue, bonfire. It's warm and it's twilight. The light of the fire reflects in your hair. Fascinating. Then again, everything about you is. Fascinating. You nudge my shoulder and smile at me. Ask me where my head is. I almost say it.

I love you.

.

We eat, we talk, we laugh. There is music. It's a hot night, the fire is too warm but nobody wants to back away. There is beer, and wine. We drink and bring out elaborate toasts, hiding tears with laughter. Mocking the painful fact that we don't know if or when we will see each other again. I just look at you and say goodbye.

I love you.

.

More drinking. Loose voices and looser limbs. Play fighting and you are shoved into me. Apologies, laughing. My entire body tingles and burns at the places you just touched me. I want more, so much more. I have fantasized about it for so long it hurts.

I love you.

.

More people get up to dance. My heart stutters, then halts, then explodes when you get up and reach out your hand to me. Asking me to dance. I swallow as I drown in your sparkling eyes, and finally remember to put my hand in yours.

I love you.

.

We dance. Awkward, at first. Some distance from each other. But I am well tipsy and I know you've had your share, too. My cheeks feel flushed with the heat, the drink. I'm drunk on you. You catch my gaze time and again and seem to be looking for something. Hope wars with fear.

I love you.

.

The music slows down, and around us the couples are drawing closer together. I back away, expecting you to want to stop dancing now, but you stop me. A hand closing around mine, a gentle tug. I turn back and see your hopeful gaze. I melt inside and step up to you.

I love you.

.

You pull me closer. I hesitate, but you are strong. Your arms around me, the length of your body against mine. Nerves explode. I can't believe this is happening. Your deep sigh as I try to hide mine.

I love you.

.

We dance, slowly. I can cry, so happy to be in your arms. Finally. Shocked when you pull me closer still and hide your face in my neck. My breath halts. I think you hear it. I have to tell you. This is my last chance. You have to know.

I love you.

.

Nothing to lose, I try to gather courage. Three little words, so close and yet so far. Heart hammering, body shaking. It won't be long before you notice. But for now, it's just my mind that speaks.

I love you.

.

Your hands on my back, I can feel them moving slowly. Reading too much into it, I'm sure. It's dangerous to allow myself to enjoy this. I know I will be shattered when you pull away again. I have to say it. Now.

I love you.

.

You sigh deeply, making me wonder if you are fed up with this, trying to figure out how to get rid of me. It's now or never, before I will forever lose my chance. I count to ten in my head and open my mouth to speak, but it's not my voice that sounds. It's yours.

"I love you."


	2. 2  Edward

_Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I didn't expect this response! Since my beloved Sherry is enjoying some time off, I asked others for help. Thanks to Jackonscupcake and __lulabelle98 for helping me out with this one. Thanks to opheliasmuse for giving the idea for this chapter in the first place. Go read their work. It's awesome!  
><em>

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><p><strong>- Edward -<br>**

Her face. I have known it for years and would recognize it anywhere. Heart-shaped, with the biggest brown eyes that look right into your soul. Her lashes long, when she blinks it's always a flirtation. Her lips, I have longed for an eternity to kiss them.

Beautiful.

.

She is so tiny, I could fold myself around her easily. I dreamed about having her in my arms. Fantasized how her skin would feel underneath my fingertips, underneath my lips. But I can only watch. She doesn't notice me, doesn't know that I exist. Doesn't want me.

Unreachable.

.

I'm leaving Forks. Going to Dartmouth to learn to be a doctor. I'm going alone. The others will scatter, too. But not her. She is staying in Forks and will commute to Seattle. She is happy, she says. Wants to stay with her father, she says. She has missed him for so long in her life. She is so caring and selfless.

Inconceivable.

.

A party. A last goodbye before we will shatter. A bonfire and beer. We banter and talk and I end up next to her. Feeling her body tense against mine. She is quiet today, avoiding my gaze. She doesn't want me and I have to accept that. She is not mine to keep. But I will miss her so much.

Unattainable.

.

A play fight with Jasper, I am pushed off guard and off balance. Falling, I fall into her. She catches me, her tiny hands on my frame. Shocked, worried. She sets me upright again. Puts me in my place. Away from her, at a safe distance. I apologize, laughing. Hiding my pain behind my smile.

Inconsolable.

.

More beer, more time. The coil in my stomach dissolves in the alcohol. When they dance, I get up too. Reaching out, I hope she will accept. Her hesitation tears through my soul. She doesn't want me, but wants to be nice. Because she is. Always nice.

Caring.

.

She moves like water. Fluent, fluid. Her hips mesmerizing. Her arms enchanting. Her gaze inviting, but she never looks at me. I still dance with her and revel, enjoying the moment. I want her. So bad. I yearn.

Seducing.

.

The music slows and she starts to leave. I cannot allow this. I must feel her, if only for once. I will regret it forever if I let her go. Her hand disappears in mine, her skin as warm as I imagined. I gently pull, trying to look hopeful instead of desperate. She looks back, eyes wide as ever.

Expecting.

.

Her body against mine. She is so tense I feel sorry for holding her. My hands carefully on her back until her head nestles in the crook of my neck. And then I understand. She relaxes in my embrace and my heart soars.

Victorious.

.

We dance, moving together to the sway of the music. Her body pliable, fitting perfectly against mine. She sighs deeply, then seems to holds her breath. I wait, but can't wait any longer. Then when she takes a breath to speak, the words burst from my mouth before I can stop them.

"I love you."

.

Her gaze open, confused, she is still for an impossible moment. I am sure I did wrong. Blew my chance in the most impossible way. Rude even, by speaking before my turn. I start to pull away, but this time it is her stopping me. And she speaks.

"I love you too."

.

Time seems to stop as I look at her mouth, moving to say the words I have dreamed of forever. My gaze moves to her eyes, sparkling in the firelight. Happy, so happy. I have rarely seen her like this. Suddenly nervous, I am aware of my arms around her.

Searching.

.

Her eyes close her smile is so big, then her head burrows once more in the crook of my neck. A perfect fit. I exhale in relief, my heart hammering. This. My hand in her hair, it's as soft as I imagined it would be. Silken strands between my fingers.

Home.

.

Around us, our friends look on as we sway, not paying heed to the beat anymore. We are dancing to the music only we can hear. I want her alone. Tugging on her hand, I invite her to walk with me. Along the beach, the moonlight our only guide. Linking my fingers through hers. Finally.

Connection.

.

We don't talk. Words aren't needed, nor wanted right now. We walk along the shore, the wind keeping us company. I am bursting with energy, could run I'm so happy. Instead, I squeeze her hand and she squeezes back. In the dark, her eyes shine. I cup her face, taking my chance for the second time tonight. When our lips connect, all else falls away. This is it.

Perfection.

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><p><em>What do you think... worth continuing?<em>


	3. 3 Bella

_Thanks to Jacksonscupcake for making me blush and lulabelle98 for checking it quickly :)_

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><p><strong>- Bella -<br>**

The beach, the moon, the rush of the surf. Waves roll on the sand, as unstoppable as time. We stand in the breeze, your hands linked with mine. Close together, I drown in your eyes. One night. We have one night.

One.

.

Looking down at me, you lean in to kiss me again. Soft as silk, your lips on mine. The hint of your tongue as you beg to let you in. It's all consuming, electrifying. Exhaling, it feels like years of tension fall away as a stream of new energy steadily builds. More, I want more.

Rush.

.

Your hands in my hair, tangling, gratifying. Tilting my head back as I hold you to me. Now that I have you, I don't want to let go. Hold me please. Hold on to me. Your arms tighten, muscles rolling under skin. My whimper embarrassing yet unstoppable. I've waited for this for so, so long.

Forever.

.

You taste like musk, like lilac and sunshine. Satin skin, fluently moving. Through your clothes I feel your heartbeat matching mine. Hammering, stuttering. Fluttering like butterflies. Are you nervous, too?

I am.

.

You break away, a groan in your chest. The sound jolts through me - I do this to you. Your lips on my cheek, my jaw, the soft hollow under my ear and when you suck, I sag. Holding me up, you intensify as I open up, submitting to whatever you will grant me. I will take it all.

Vulnerable.

.

Your lips at my ear, nipping the lobe. Words that only register moments after they have left your mouth. "Let me take you home." I want to. Believe me, I want to. When I can't move, you lift me like a babe. Cradling me to you, you tell me how long you have waited for this. You, too.

Wonderful.

.

Exhilaration as we find your car. Leaving my truck, you promise to help me get back tomorrow. I climb in next to you. The silver Volvo, how often have I sat next to you dreaming of this night? Your hand on my leg, on my arm, at my neck. Now that you've touched me, you're not letting go.

I want.

.

Your house so big, I've been here before. Your parents away, you're quick to assure me. Taking my hand, up to the third floor. Your bedroom I have seen, but never like this. All the same and yet so starkly different. The bed unmade, I long to drown in your scent.

Homecoming.

.

I'm pressed into the wall, your hands seeking and taking as I surrender to your touch. Your kisses hungrier, your hands more demanding as the mood rises and desire explodes. Take me, want me, make me whole. Your hands in my hair again, I moan as you groan. Too good.

Overwhelming.

.

Up on the bed, clothes disappear like whispers in the night. In boxers and boy shorts, we are feasting with our eyes. I know your body, I have seen you in swim trunks. But now it is mine to touch and I do, fingertips trailing over hard planes, triggering soft shudders and tiny contractions.

Perfection.

.

Your hands do the same, seeking out spots that make me arch, or groan. When I do both, you do it again. And again and again, until I claw at your back to beg for relief. You let go to pull back, your eyes searching mine, blazing and deep.

My angel.

.

It is all we shall do. You are between my legs, two layers of fabric keeping us from what we want. For now, this is enough. I know you know and you know I know. Soft caresses, heavy petting. You don't try to hide your desire, and as such I freely show you mine.

It's liberating.

.

No words are spoken, as you learn my body and I learn yours. Your fingers like feathers covering every inch, followed by your eyes, followed by my blush. It feels as if you are remembering me, imprinting my image in your soul.

Branded.

.

Coming down from the high, your body warm against mine. "You're leaving," I state, and it's all that needs said. "I am," you reply, and it's exactly enough. We are quiet again, as in our friendship not needing many words. Understanding to the core.

I'm yours.

.

A year, you say. Perhaps then, you can move here or I come to you. If I want to, you add. You can come home in between, or you'll try. Residency, not the easiest route. The knowledge of all the impossibilities heavy in the air. But you have my heart, and I want to keep it close. As such, I'll follow you.

You're mine.


	4. 4 Edward

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_Thanks for all those sweet reviews! Thanks to lel2768 and Sherry for helping me out. _

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><p><strong>- Edward - <strong>

Touching her, feeling her. The soft curves of her body, she's perfection personified. Her small moans delicious, she's so sexy and shy. Her tiny hands on me, leaving me branded in their wake. I push forward, halted by fabric. Perhaps it's better that way.

Maybe.

.

Her hair so soft, her breath so sweet. Does she realize what she does to me? I take her in, my gaze followed by her blush. Her whole body flushes. I store the knowledge away, to keep it forever. I want her. Forever. With me.

Together.

.

I'm leaving, I realize as I look at her. She states the truth I can't deny. We don't need many words. She is no talker and neither am I. Comfortable in the silence, I roll onto my back and she curls into me. My arms wind around her and she sighs. Her head fits perfectly in the crook of my neck.

Contentment.

.

But I'm leaving. Tomorrow my flight takes me far away, to Dartmouth. Wanting to become a doctor, I have worked so hard, for years, to reach this point. This monumental point in my life. Where everything changes irrevocably. She presses herself tighter against me.

Crossroads.

.

I'm lost in my thoughts, my choices, my world. "You'll go," she whispers. It's not even a question. It's an order. She's waited for years, says she can wait some more. Now that she has me, she knows what to wait for.

Patience.

.

Morning comes with the grey of dawn. We say goodbye, quietly, subdued. I touch her hair, her face, her lips with mine. Her arms around me, her strength so futile against mine yet completely incapacitating. But I have to go or I'll miss my flight. I say goodbye, leaving her with wide eyes. She cries.

Heartbreak.

.

It's lonely at school, because she is not there. How can I focus on books, statistics, patients, diagnosis, when all I can see is her in my head? Mahogany hair, cherry red lips. The biggest brown eyes, crinkling when she smiles at me. We video chat, but it's not enough. It's never enough.

Yearning.

.

Our endeavors grow bolder, we strip and then touch. My hands are not hers, but she moans in my ear and it's almost enough. Yet, still not quite. I need more, so much more. Touching the screen, we both smile at the impossibility. Pixels aren't the real thing.

"I miss you."

.

The leaves change color, I drag myself through time. When rain turns to ice, the workload increases. Less time to chat, I find I miss her less with more time in between. Yet when I see her face, hear her voice, my heart cracks wide open. Fuck, I can't do this.

"I miss you, too."

.

Thanksgiving a given, but I am alone. No time to travel, I'm overwhelmed by my homework. I knew it'd be hard. My father on the phone, his voice harsh through the distance. He understands how I feel. He's done it, too. But he doesn't get it.

She is not here.

.

Christmas approaches, red and green in the streets. Asked out for dates, I politely refuse. Rumor has it I'm gay. If only they knew. I left my heart with the perfect girl. Back in Seattle, she holds it for me. With infinite care, because she is. Caring.

My sweet.

.

My breath in white puffs, I stare at the shops with unseeing eyes. I wish she were here. It's all I can think. I wish she were here. I'd never let her go. It's been so long since I saw her, months feel like years. I can almost smell her next to me.

If only…

.

Staring at my work, the letters are blurring. Information won't stick tonight, won't morph into knowledge. I need my fix, and I call her. Her voice a happy sigh when she answers her phone. She is doing well, but her voice breaks. She misses me. I miss her, too.

"I love you."

.

I book a flight back, I have to be there. For Christmas and New Year's. My parents are happy, but I don't do it for them. It's for her I will fly. I must hold her again, must kiss her and touch her. Fit her head into the crook of my neck.

Need.

.

Two weeks 'till the day, I'm a lion in a cage. A soft knock on my door, I almost snap to leave. But I open my room and there she is. Mahogany perfection, why so shy? My arms around her, still a perfect fit. My lips on hers, too fiercely in my desire. She kisses me back just as hard. She's here. I can't believe it.

She's here.

Finally.


	5. 5 Bella

**A/N I don't own Twilight **

_Thanks to Lel and Sherry. You're the best!_

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><p><strong>- Bella - <strong>

I'm here, and I've knocked. My hearts skips a beat when you open the door. You look tired, beat. A three-day beard, hair too long and figure lanky. But your eyes light up when you see me, my frayed nerves soothed by your happy gaze. I was afraid you wouldn't want me, wouldn't need me like I need you.

Overwhelming.

.

Your arms around me in an instant. I hum, content. Cry. Your embrace is just like I remembered. Hiding my face in your neck, I smell lilac, sunshine, musk on your skin. It's still you. Your body warm against mine, I want to disappear in your arms. Hold me tighter, make it real.

I love you.

.

We stumble into your apartment, your parents so rich you don't use a dorm. Should we talk? Perhaps not now. I look around. Your place cluttered with stuff, I can't help but chuckle. You sweep me off my feet, turning my laugh into a squeal. Your bedroom, again. The same, but different. No rush this time, but no delay either.

Come closer to me.

.

"I missed you," you whisper, the words delivered between frantic kisses. Hands and lips on my skin wherever you can reach. My hands claw at your clothes. Off, I want closer. Closer to you. Feverish heat, something rips but we ignore it. Hold me, love me.

Make me yours.

.

Unlike last time, the last barrier disappears. Suddenly shy, I am naked before you. My hands come up to cover, but you stop me with a word. "Don't." With words and with touches, you tell me I'm beautiful. I can cry I'm so happy.

And I am yours.

.

Your skin on mine, goose flesh trails in the wake of the heat. Satiny soft, with steel muscles underneath. When did you start to work out? My nails on your back, your body rippling as it shudders. I do that to you. Hammering hearts, you look into my eyes as your hand travels down.

Yes, do it, please.

.

The sensation incredible, I buck and cry out. You look on, mesmerized, and try it again. Seeking out what I like, your mouth on my breasts and your hand down there until I shudder and groan. Hiding my face in your neck, helpless in my desire. I claw at you, an anchor in the haze. You hum in my ear.

Closer. So close…

.

Your thoughts pushed out in a whisper, I can feel your breath on my skin. Quiet reassurances and other words I'd never think to hear from your mouth. You like to talk dirty and it ignites a fire I did not know was slumbering inside me.

Have me.

.

Sensation blooms in my stomach, so hot and delicious and altogether addicting. Coaxing me to let go, I shatter and come undone, held together in your strong arms. You hold me tight until I come down, grounding me. Never let go.

Hold on to me.

.

Wanting to reciprocate, my hands trail down your body. So deliciously familiar, yet so wonderfully new. Cupping you, you exhale in a groan. Have you waited for this, too? So hot, so soft. So strong. You stutter, then hide your face in my neck and just enjoy. You mumble in a sigh.

"So much better than webcams."

.

You won't let me finish, cutting me off when it becomes too intense. Moving over me, I marvel at the feel of you between my legs. So safe, so exciting, so gloriously satisfying. Your body around mine, you completely enfold me. You seek my gaze and I nod.

Take me. Claim me.

.

Pushing forward, you slide home. Your breath on my face as you exhale, your eyes closed in sensation. So good, this, so good. The pain barely there. Don't move just yet, let's just enjoy this. I have you, and you me. I have waited a lifetime, and now you are here. Our gazes meet and we smile.

Yes.

.

Moving, carefully at first then with more vigor, the precision taking my breath away. "I love you," you breathe. "I can't miss you again." I won't tell him yet. Not all arrangements are completed. I hope he will understand my decisions.

Support me.

.

Coherent thought disappears as we get lost in our joining. Moving, holding, gripping. Wet kisses and moist breaths, everything disappears in our lovemaking. Finally, finally. A tear escapes and you kiss it away, smiling with soft eyes. You understand. No need to talk right now.

You know.

.

The conclusion too quick, overwhelmed by the newness of it all. So beautiful in your pleasure, I decide then and there I won't ever stop watching you. I won't ever stop loving you. A friendship morphed into something more, it could easily get awkward. But it isn't.

It never will be.


	6. 6 Edward

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_Thanks to Lels2768 and Jacksonscupcake. Sherry, I hope you feel better soon._

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><p><strong>- Edward -<strong>

The morning after has never been so sweet. She's here, in my arms. I have dreamed this would happen, but nothing compares to reality, to this. Her body alongside mine. My hand on her hip, my arm curling around the small of her back. She's sleeping still, her breathing deep and relaxed.

So calm.

.

Silken skin and satin hair, she is a miracle. Brushing her cheek with the back of my fingers, I can't resist touching her. Her arm resting around my waist, her thigh over mine. Her body warm with sleep, radiating against me. My fingers trail down, unable to stop.

So soft.

.

She stirs, moans softly in her slumber, making me remember her earlier moans of pleasure in my ear. So erotic, so impossibly delectable. She gave me everything and more. I found her spots, her secret places. So beautiful in her desire. No inhibitions. She told me that it was because of me. Only for me.

So wonderful.

.

Shall I wake her? Desire rises as my hand travels south. Dips and curves, she's so entirely perfect. I tease soft nipples into pebbled peaks. Eyes still closed, her body reacts. A deeper breath, a minute shift. She's awake and arching. Lips at my ear, nipping at the lobe. Yes.

So perfect.

.

We make love again, warm and slow still from our sleep. I turn us around and lift her over me. My hands on her hips, her chest resting on mine. Her weight so delicious. Moving fluidly, rising up and away. Her hair cascading down her back as her head tips in pleasure.

So sensual.

.

I give her my all, I want everything and more. She loves me, she loves me. And I love her. It's not awkward or painful. We know each other like no other. Not shy anymore, she takes lead in her pleasure. Not holding back, her sounds fill my head with raw desire.

So beautiful.

.

Breakfast at the patisserie I've come to love. We finally talk, about school, about life. Her parents, mine. Coffee, more coffee. She still uses milk. I didn't forget. I make her laugh, silly stories about antics in school. I love her laugh, but love to kiss her more. Her lips taste like cherries.

So delicious.

.

Classmates stop by, it's a popular place to be. Greeted by friends, I introduce her with a smile. They look, grinning. Congratulate me. Agree to meet later, whenever. Right now, I just want her. Just need her with me. And she's here, with me. Mine.

So incredible.

.

We talk, and talk. Buy groceries and go home, suddenly eager to be alone. Tumbling into bed, I can't get enough of her. Let's stay here forever. As long as I have her, I have all that I need. Touching, exploring. My fingertips tracing every inch, every patch. To learn, to see, to memorize.

So lovely.

.

She's sore, she smiles. She needs a break. Running a bath, we sit in the water. Cradling her hips between my legs, my arms around her tiny waist. Kissing her temple, her neck, the lobe of her ear. She sighs and relaxes, her body heavier against mine. I close my eyes, inhaling her essence.

So content.

.

She cooks as I study. Exams coming up, they won't wait for my girl. She understands, is quiet for hours, reading a book with her feet in my lap. Never gets bored, never impatient. Rubs my back when the tension builds up. She's all that I need and then some.

So caring.

.

We go on dates as we should have done earlier. Go to the park, go out for dinner. Drown in each other's eyes and let the food go cold as the waiter laughs indulgently. Make out until she's breathless and her lips are so swollen I want to kiss them some more.

So luscious.

.

We explore and we learn. What we love, what we hate. Friendship is not relationship and the first fight becomes fact. You cry, I'm upset. Leaving you in my anger, I have to calm down. Shame and guilt drive me back home, where you are on the couch. Your eyes still red.

So lost.

.

We make amends, with a hug and a kiss. A tug and a caress. Roaming hands, in my hair, on my back. Tender love with gentle ministrations, we find our way back to each other. We can survive this, of course we can. She looks into my eyes, and she smiles again. So sweet.

So trusting.

.

She stays until Christmas and we fly home together. But time moves too quickly and apprehension grows. I don't want to leave her. And then she steps up to me, tentative and shy. "I'm coming with you. I hope that's okay." I have no words. She's coming with me.

So happy.


	7. 7 Bella

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_Thanks to Sherry, Jacksonscupcake and lels2768 for help and encouragement._

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><p><strong>- Bella - <strong>

"I'm coming with you. I hope that's okay." Watching your face as my words take hold, your eyes closing with the brilliance of your smile. Yes, it's okay. Your hands at my waist, I am lifted in the air, twirled around as you laugh, exuberant.

Yes, it's okay.

.

Explaining my plan, how I've worked to surprise you. Dartmouth Psychology, the name alone is thrilling. A scholarship on the condition of good grades, I have six months to catch up a year. Trying to warn you it won't be easy, you just smile and kiss me into silence.

It's okay.

.

We talk and talk on our journey back, this time not one big suitcase to carry, but three. My things to take, the rest will come. Some clothes, mementos, but it's all unimportant. I can buy what I need. The only thing I want to bring with me is you. You hold my hand and kiss my temple. I close my eyes and wish I could purr.

Yes. It's okay.

.

It's a lot of new things to fit in one life. A new school, a new place, and a new relationship. You ask me to forego a dorm room. After all, your bed is big enough. My boxes unpacked, your place becomes ours. Overwhelmed by everything and drowning in homework, it's you who grounds me and calls me back to us.

Yes. Okay.

.

Insane workloads, we both suffer. But we try to make it work, help the other out. Sleep the last thing on our minds when we try to cram in one last fact. When the bruises under your eyes turn purple, I decide it's been enough. You need a break. And so do I.

Okay.

.

An evening, carefully planned. Scented candles, a meal on the stove. A movie to be safe, but mainly I just want to watch you tonight. Run you a bath, wash your hair for you. Rub your back with the oil I have purchased. I turn on the music and light the last of the candles. Curling up on the couch, I wait.

That's okay.

.

Home after midnight, you shuffle inside. Waking me on the couch, cold fingers on my cheek. When I open my eyes, the candles are out. Dinner is burnt. Where have you been? Apologetic, you smile. Out with some friends, you didn't know I was waiting. I am angry even though you are right.

Not okay.

.

A coldness between us. I want to come back to you but you are too stressed. Shut me out in your sorrow. Where are you? I miss you. Unable to focus on studying, I break down and cry. Trying to be silent, you hear me regardless. I hear the worry in your voice when you speak.

"You okay?"

.

My words fall as quickly as my tears, when you close your arms around me and I cry. Telling you all, spilling my worries, my secrets, my desires. You hold me and rock me, your hands in my hair. You miss me too, you say. It's difficult to focus with school on your mind. Realizing both we forgot to be a couple. But we're more than just friends now.

And that's okay.

.

Bending my head gently, your lips touch my neck. "How can I neglect you." Your breath against my ear. Turning me to straddle you, my breath hitches at the contact. It's been too long, how did that happen? Your hands in my hair, on my back, on my rear. Pulling me closer.

"We'll be okay."

.

Your lips on mine, so soft but secure. Seeking me out, bringing me back to you. Your hands tug my shirt up to get to my skin. Your fingertips blazing, I'm ignited at your touch. You haven't forgotten, and seduce me without effort. I am powerless in your arms, silently pleading for more.

So okay.

.

Guiding me to the bed, you take your time to undress me. Producing the oil that I bought for you, you turn me around and set to work. Your hands are a miracle and I can't help but groan. Working out kinks in my back — and our relationship. Closer together, we find our way back to us.

It will be okay.

.

Your hands ever more daring, touching places that have been ignored. Shamelessly squirming, I am not above begging. But you sense my needs without effort and give me what I want. Still on my tummy, the position provides possibilities. Your lips at my ear, coaxing to let go.

"Okay."

.

I have missed this. Oh, how I have missed this. Undressing you, I crawl over you. Slippery with oil, clinging on for dear life. Laughing lightly through the intense mood, your eyes turn dark and you roll on top of me. Suddenly dominant, you take the lead. "I missed you," you growl, and my insides clench at the roughness of your voice.

So much more than okay.

.

Rough and hard, it's what we both want, we both need. A high so incredible, we're out of breath. A second time follows, slower now, but no less feverish. I'm yours. You're mine. We agree to never forget, not even for a second. You kiss me softly, then smile with your forehead on mine. Yes.

We will be okay.


	8. 8 Edward

**A/N Twilight is not mine.**

_Thanks to Sherry and Deb, for anything and everything. _

* * *

><p><strong>~Edward~<strong>

I've been such an ass. I will never forgive myself. Having taken her for granted, she had every right to leave. My heart shattered when I heard her cry. How have I not noticed it? Finding my way back, she let me in. I am the luckiest man on earth.

But such an ass.

.

I try harder. For her, I will fight. We go out on more dates, having skipped that part because we went from friends to 'us,' from long distance to living together. We talk more, finding a new and special form of intimacy in those conversations on Sunday morning, before breakfast, after making love.

We can do this.

.

We look for balance. Her need to have her own place, her own territory, we fulfill by giving her the study. She retreats when she needs time alone, and because she knows she can, she rarely does. She shares my apartment and my bed. Doesn't realize she owns my heart completely. We find our balance. Fight and make up and grow and glow as seasons change.

We're good together.

.

She lets me prod her body as she picks my brain. We laugh at the discoveries and warn gently when theory intervenes with quality time. She's so lovely, so perfect. She'll be the best therapist the world has known. Kind, caring, patient, wise. And she's very much mine.

I buy a ring.

.

There never is a perfect time to ask. Reluctant to choose the given holidays, my chest cracks open as the question isn't asked and I sense her disappointment. Silently, I beg her to be patient. Her sagging shoulders have me reeling, however guilty it makes me feel. She is ready.

She might say yes.

.

Carefully, so carefully, I start to plan. January, that dull month, is perfect for what I want. It's in my nature to rule out risks, and I want to be sure. If she says yes, of course. If she says yes.

She must say yes.

.

Calling my father, I relay my plans. He's happy, I can tell. My mother so happy, I suddenly miss her. She's happy for me. In one breath, they promise to pay for the wedding. No college debt will stand in our way. I thank them, and call her father next. Ask him for his blessing. Nerves explode as I wait for his answer.

He tells me yes.

.

It is time. A dinner out, unassuming. Does she know it's the same restaurant we ate first when she came here to surprise me? She had me already, but I loved her more. Didn't know it was possible, to love her more. But I do, every day. I almost collapse under the weight. I need to let it out.

I have to ask.

.

She's so beautiful tonight. Wearing that blue dress that looks so unbelievably good on her words elude me. Hugging her curves in all the right places, emphasizing the perfect peach pearl color tone that is her skin. I love to kiss along the neckline of that dress, but I digress. She's so beautiful.

It almost hurts.

.

Savoring the moment, the wine, the rich tastes of the food. She feeds me tiny bites off her plate, any excuse to be near me I know. I happily oblige, unable to not caress the curve of her hip underneath the table. Her letting me touch her will never stop being a miracle.

I want to make her mine.

.

The main course done, nerves start to grow. What if she says no, would there be a chance? Thousands of questions blast through my mind. When do I ask, here or at home? Audience or no? She doesn't like people. Shit, I should have realized. Wiping my napkin across her brow, I meet her suddenly worried gaze. "Are you all right?"

"Yes."

.

How long can I wait, do I ask before or after dessert? At all tonight, or does she expect it? Not, I think not, trailing a lock of hair behind her ear, she tells me how nice it is to be back here, in this place. Where it all began. This is it, I decide. I swallow, thickly. I stand up.

I kneel.

.

Her face suddenly flushed, her eyes shimmering and wide. I was wrong before. She was never more beautiful than now. So perfect, so deliciously surprised. Studying her gaze, I see no trace of fear. This is the moment, there is no longer a way back. Taking a deep breath, I speak.

"Will you marry me?"

.

No long speeches, I will assume she knows what she means to me. A tear appears at the corner of her eye, spilling over as she looks at me, overwhelmed but happy. Her hand at her chest, it moves with the rhythm of her rapid breath. Say something. Choose me, because I am bound to you.

Say yes.

.

Around us, people have turned, stopped talking. Curious eyes on us. Time stretches, then stops, and every second lasts forever as I wait for your answer. I will not fill the silence. I will wait for your word that you will be eternally mine. Miracles happen, and as another tear spills and rolls down your cheek, you speak. One word.

"Yes!"


	9. 9 Bella

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_Thanks to Sherry, for everything and the rest._

* * *

><p><strong>- Bella -<br>**

Yes, I said yes, I said yes. Mine forever, you asked me to be yours but you're mine. I said yes. So nervous I saw, your eyes so tense in your worry. As if I could refuse. To be yours, with you, forever. Asked in such a perfect way. I will marry you, and be your wife. As long as we both shall live.

I like the sound of that.

.

I don't notice anything but you, your eyes, your brows, your lips, your smile. A box with a ring, so pretty, so delicate. Deceiving in its simplicity. A diamond, two sapphires. Blue, you say, because blue looks good on me. I reach out my hand, it's trembling until you grasp it in yours, warm and secure. So safe, so overwhelmingly safe. You put the ring on my finger.

A perfect fit.

.

Around us, people applaud. I blush, I had forgotten we were not alone. But we are not alone. Still, your smile is for me alone and when you come up your lips meet mine, warm and soft. My arms around your neck, the weight of the new ring comfortingly on my hand. A token; I'm taken.

Look how far we have come.

.

Take me home, I need you so badly. A maniacal ride, but you get us there. Grinning widely, proud like a child but different. "You said yes." Pulling me inside, you push me against the door before it is fully closed. No patience for slow, we want it all, now. Your hands in my hair, your lips at my neck. "You said yes."

"Yes."

.

Clothes disappear, a trail toward the bedroom. Stumbling, you catch me and we fall on the bed together. Questions linger at the back of my mind but you kiss me into oblivion and there is nothing I can do but surrender. And I always happily surrender. To you.

Always to you.

.

Your hands on my skin, you linger when you reach my ring and kiss it, lovingly. Your eyes as shiny as the stones, your grin so victorious I want to kiss you. You whisper phrases in my ear, not dirty this time, but random variations of the words love, wife, forever and mine.

Mine.

.

Our lovemaking unexpectedly sweet after starting to roughly. Your hips resting in the cradle of my thighs, I embrace you with my body, my heart, my soul. Your chest warm on my skin, your lips at my ear, whispering, nipping, mine, mine, mine. Hands on my hair, on my breasts, on my waist. Have all of me, because I am yours completely.

Forever.

.

My nails on your back, you shudder before you still in your release. I see you face and know again I will never stop watching you. So beautiful, vulnerable almost in your pleasure. More, give me more. Again, perhaps, if you can? I cup you gently, and you stir, You're up for more.

Yes.

.

Afterwards, we laze in each other's arms. Your fingertips caress every inch you can reach. Stretching, my eyes fall on my new ring. I hold it out, let it catch the light. You sigh, happily, and crawl closer against me. "You like that, don't you?" It's so obvious it's sweet. You stare at my hand, not at all defending.

"I do."

.

A catnap. More lovemaking, because we can. Using the night, just the two of us. Skipping classes the next day, indulging for once, choosing us, not our future. More cuddles, caresses. I jokingly say I need new clothes to match the ring. You smile, proud, happy. Nothing can ruffle you because I said yes.

We'll marry.

.

Out of our bubble, time to call people. My mother first, my dad follows next. When he says he knew, you meet my eyes warily. You asked him permission, asked for my hand. So deliciously old-fashioned, who knew I could love you more? But apparently it's possible.

To love you more.

.

Your parents knew too, and they promise to pay. Spluttering to object to such a gift, you kiss me into silence. "Please." You don't want to wait until after graduation, and come to think of it, neither do I. Worries about money gone, we focus on the fun stuff. We set a date, a Friday in August.

Our wedding day.

.

Our friends are told on the go. Not all are surprised, and most are happy. Some would have hoped differently, I can see it in their eyes - green with envy. I shrug it away. So what, we are young and no, I'm not knocked up. You support me completely and through it all we find that we truly belong together.

We are 'us.'

.

So far away still, yet every day closer. You wake every morning with a smile on your face and a glimmer in your eye. Kiss my temple and then my lips as your warm arms wrap around my waist. I cuddle against you and won't open my eyes, not a morning person and enjoying our embrace too much.

Hmmmm.

.

Of course it's not red roses every day, but just the one can be enough. We make time for each other, our Sunday mornings sacred still. Carefully, the planning begins. We disagree, but compromise. On one thing though I won't give in. You plead and seduce, to try and persuade me. I won't budge however, not on this.

I want a simple dress.


	10. 10 Edward

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_Thanks to Lel and Sherry._

* * *

><p><strong>- Edward - <strong>

Like a breath I brush her hair back from her neck. My lips caressing her neck so softly, goose bumps appear all over her skin. Opening my mouth, I suck softly, eliciting a moan and a sigh. My tongue touches her skin, tastes the delicate flavor of flowers, sunshine and her. "Please," I whisper, my lips brushing the shell of her ear as I speak. "No."

She won't budge.

She allows me to raise her arms above her head and pull off her sweater. It's winter, it's cold, but inside it is warm. I kiss down her back, touching every inch of skin I can reach. She shivers softly and I delight in her response. Sucking softly, until I reach the dimples in her back. Tracing my tongue up along her spine, I whisper, "Please." "No."

She won't budge.

Suppressing a smile, my hands trail down her front. Cupping her breasts – still a perfect fit. Massaging her just as she likes it, she leans back against me and sighs. Her eyes are closed, she's relaxed and enjoying me. We've been so stressed, I am happy to give her this, even if she won't return the favor. I pull softly on her nipples. "Please." She smiles. "No."

She won't budge.

Moving down, I coax her thighs apart for me. She's on her knees before me, her back now pressed against my chest. My hands, knowing her body like no other, not even herself, find their ways to her favorite spots. I tickle her kneecaps, rub circles on her hips. I bite her shoulder gently. "Please." "No."

She won't budge.

One arm around her waist, encircling, comforting. The other hand between her thighs, trailing up, up, until she shudders and sighs. It's a revelation every single time still. I do this to her, and she lets me. I don't know what is the bigger miracle of the two. Her hips move with my hand, at ease as she is under my ministrations. "Please." "No."

She won't budge.

Her hands on the back of my head, gripping, anchoring. My hand too skilled and I can't deny her, even if I had planned to. I am simply unable to deny her anything, but I wish, oh I wish she would listen to me once. I have horrid imaginations by her definition of a 'simple dress.' I try one more time. "Please." In the midst of her orgasm, she still manages to speak. "No."

Dammit, she won't budge.

My tactics not working, she's smiling secretively when she meets my pleading gaze. "Trust me," she says, and I am properly chastised. I just have this vision of her in a big dress, with layers and petticoats, lace and pearls. "Trust me," she repeats. "I won't wear a hoodie."

But she won't budge.

She goes dress shopping with girlfriends and her mother. Week after week. She doesn't tell me of her trips, and doesn't disclose when I ask her if she found anything. She's just smiling and glowing, and my heart soars to see her thus. We're counting down the days, and we're happy.

She buys a dress.

Both traditional, I don't want to see it until the day, and she won't show it, that fact is certain. She's happy, so happy, to have found the right dress. Curiosity burning, I curb my desire to tickle the truth out of her. I get a piece of fabric to buy a tux to match. My relief is palpable, even though I try to hide it.

It's white.

By the end of spring, we're almost done planning. A band, a location, catering and colors. A cake and a church, a list of guests and invitations. And all in between school, and school is getting harder. Late nights, early mornings. Tired eyes and slow lovemaking when we get the chance.

It won't change.

My parents involved, her parents involved. Her mother at first not an advocate of marriage, she now is Bella's best friend with advice as only a mother can give. Bella is glowing, my bride to be. Almost every day, I catch her hand with her ring and kiss it. She's mine, I'm hers. We're getting married.

It's getting real.

A bachelor party, thank God my friends don't take me to a strip club. Instead they choose to mortify, dressing me up as Superman. Her hen's night no different, she's wasted but happy. A rehearsal dinner, she insisted on the tradition. Everybody here, my best man and her maid of honor. We're almost there.

Almost complete.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. My mother and hers take her aside and fill up the rhyme. My grandmother's diamond earrings, now passed on to her. A new necklace to match, the antique lace around her flowers on loan. A blue garter belt, making her blush, making me ache.

I want.

The last night before the wedding, we shall sleep alone. I hold her with me for as long as I can, loving her until she's beyond words. Tomorrow, she will be truly mine, and I can't wait. I hug her tighter, and she smiles. She's thinking the same. Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow, we will choose each other.

For life.

Nervous, so nervous, I feel like I didn't sleep at all. But now here I am, at the head of the aisle, waiting for my bride. The music starts and my heart explodes, and in she glides, on her father's arm. Tears blur my sight but even still I can take her in. A shiver runs down my spine as she catches my gaze.

She is a vision, so beautiful.

And her dress is perfect beyond imagination.


	11. 11 Bella

**A/N I still don't own Twilight**

_Thanks to Lel and Sherry._

* * *

><p><strong>- Bella - <strong>

Your eyes, I can see it in your eyes. You were so worried, so worried I almost took your hand and told you. Did you really think I'd get married in a frock? After all these years, even before you knew, I thought you knew _me._But now, I can only smile. Look at you.

You're perfect.

Your face, it glows. A proud man, a husband-to-be. It fills me with joy, to see you so proud. Proud to be my man, proud to have me as your wife. I walk next to my dad, he's holding me too tight. I don't think he notices. I hardly do. I'm nervous, though.

I only see you.

How long is this aisle? A mile, at least. I want to be with you, but we have to walk slowly, as is tradition. Don't they understand I'd rather run? But I walk slowly, my heart beating fast. Walking to you, only to you. Your eyes, look at your eyes.

Glowing.

Ah, here we are, we've reached you. The music stops, and I stop near you. My dad gives me to you. Does he think I can't see him cry? You take my hand, and everything falls into place. The world falls away, and there's only you left. You take a deep breath, and so do I. Here we are.

We're finally here.

I can hardly hear the words. I look into your eyes, my gaze only shifting to your mouth when it's time for you to say "I do." Well, I do, too, and I tell you with a smile. A second ring around my finger, so beautiful, I imagine I can feel the weight of it. And then, you may kiss the bride.

All my life I've dreamed of this.

A reception follows, and a dinner. Speeches and toasts, it's a beautiful day. Perfect even, if you ask me. I only see you, your eyes, your tux, your lips, your hair. So happy, you haven't stopped smiling once I think. Wherever I am, your eyes find me. And when I'm close, your skin touches mine.

You're mine.

After dinner, the music begins. The first dance for us. The train of my dress tied up, your hand warm through the silk on my waist. "You are so beautiful," you mouth at me, and I can only smile. The first notes of our song, and we step and we sway. We're dancing together.

Just us.

Others join and we party hard. You get my garter belt with your teeth, your hair tickling forbidden skin. When I meet your gaze I know you are counting down the minutes too. Midnight strikes and we bid goodbye, catcalls and hugs, comments and advice. You laugh, bashfully, and guide me into the taxi towards out hotel. Tomorrow we'll leave for our honeymoon.

Tonight, we have our wedding night.

The suite is gorgeous, but I only see you. Rose petals on the bed, on the floor, in the bathtub. You grasp both my hands and walk me to the bed, where you cup my face and kiss me. "I love you." Your breath so sweet on my face and I smile, overwhelmed.

"You are my life now."

Turning me, you unbutton my dress, kissing every inch of skin as it is revealed. I shiver with pleasure. Everything feels new tonight, like a first time. The silk of my dress falls away from my shoulders and a corset is revealed. You groan reverently, unhooking the bodice with nimble fingers.

I sigh in your embrace.

Clothes falls away, we will find them tomorrow. A bubble bath first, washing the day away. I scoot onto your lap, feeling all of you in the scented water. My hands in your hair, your hands on my hips. The water ripples in time with our movements. Against each other, we come undone.

But not completely. Not just yet.

Getting out of the tub, you pat me dry with heated towels. I'm burning up with need for you. You carry me to the bed, still naked, and I can cry when I feel your hot silken skin against mine. So happy, so perfect, so completely mine. You cover me with all of you and press your lips to mine.

"I love you."

It's slow and it's perfect, and when the pace picks up, so it seems does my love for you. Everything, tonight, here, now, with you, only you. I love you, I love you. And you love me, too. It's still hard to believe, sometimes. Look how far we've come.

Remember that last party on the beach?

It's so perfect, so perfect. I never want to let you go. You fall asleep on top of me, inside me still. I hold you tight, reveling in your weight on me. Yes, we're here, we made it. It hasn't always been easy, but underneath, I always knew.

We were meant to be together.

An easy morning, breakfast and more making love. Then packing and leaving, catching a flight to some sunny place. We shall spend a week away from people, school, and obligations. Just you and me. I want it all.

Today, the rest of our life begins.

I can't wait.

* * *

><p><em>Sorry to have kept you waiting. I had to figure out where I want this story to go.<br>_


	12. 12 Edward

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_Thanks to Sherry, as always._

* * *

><p><strong>Edward<strong>

Soft kisses along her spine, I can taste the sun on her skin. She's so perfect next to me, I will never stop loving her. I'm so lucky that she chose me, and she will be mine forever. She turns to face me, a smile on her lips. "Why did you stop?" "Just thinking," I say, leaning in to claim her mouth. So sweet, so rich.

Mine.

She giggles, her fingers disappearing in my hair. Deepening the kiss, she pulls me on top of her. Cradling my pelvis between her thighs, brushing against the proof of my want. How to tell her it's more than lust? She pulls back and meets my eyes.

"I know, baby."

Our honeymoon is spent in bliss, as we try to forget the upcoming stress of finals and essays. We only have a week, the most we can spend away from school. It seems to last forever, yet is over in the blink of an eye. I try to focus on the now, to not despair at time passing by.

Just the now.

Still slow from sun and sea, we arrive back home. One night to catch up on sleep and kill the jetlag; we have studying to do. She meets my eyes with a tired smile and I rub her back when she reads through her syllabus one last time. In turn she tests me, and as such we help each other.

We make it.

If anything has changed after our marriage, it's the way we have become closer still. The summer holiday is lost on internships and extra classes, but our Sunday mornings are still sacred. As time goes by, we get to know each other better than ever.

Who knew?

We try new things, inside the bedroom and out. Once she learns I'm open to her ideas, it's like something within her is unleashed. She wants to try everything with me, and in her love she knows no shame. It fills me with pride to know she feels so safe with me.

Loved unconditionally.

We try to go out as well. Visit touristic places when we have time, determined to not let life go by. We bake together, with more powdered sugar ending up on skin than in the bowl. We don't care. She has a sweet tooth, and I don't mind to be subject.

At all.

Whether I want it or not, time passes. It's out of my control. We move forward at a steady pace, getting lost in school and schedule. We vowed to never let our focus wander, but it happens, of course it does. We fight, and fight. I hate it, and so does she. Yet it can't be prevented. They call it the one-year itch.

I like it not.

Moving like strangers living under the same roof, every attempt to find our way back drives us further apart. Tiny irritations escalate into rattling rows. When I finally offer to leave, she all but attacks me, arms and legs around me like a vice. "Don't go," she sobs, "Please don't leave me. I love you."

"I love you, too."

She talks to me. How her education has made her afraid of all the mental disorders she could have, I could have. I finally understand why she has been so withdrawn. I've been through that phase. Knowing just about every ailment a body can have can make you paranoid. But it hurts she didn't lean on me when she wanted to.

She accepts therapy.

She finishes school earlier than I. By the time she stands on that stage, giving the speech as the best of her year, she is smiling and happy. I am so insanely proud of her, I can't stop grinning. She's doing so much better, her confidence back. Once again she turns to me in times of need.

Just like we promised when we said I do.

Her excellent results land her a job almost right away. Proud of herself, she carries a glow that makes me want to kiss her every minute of every day. I love to see her happy like this, I can't even begin to explain it in words. She says she understands, and kisses me.

Bliss.

Her job is draining, she says, taking more energy than studying for school. I help where I can, but my residency has started and I'm not home as often as I want to. She's so strong though, making sure than when I am home, she is there for me. The apartment spotless, a glass of wine at the ready.

I love her.

We make slow love, her body hot against mine. Her nipples taut against my chest, I want to suckle them but can't reach. Rolling us over, I sit up underneath her and groan when her taste hits my tongue. She moves fluidly, rolling her hips in that way we both love.

"I love you."

One year. I have one year to go, and then we can really start our lives. Or at least, that's what I'm telling myself. My internships are killing me, but I push through. I can't stop now, I've come so far. She seems to understand, because once more, she becomes my rock. She's my everything.

She doesn't know half how much she means to me.


	13. 13 Bella

**A/N Twilight is not mine**

_Thanks to Sherry for blitz beta duties._

* * *

><p><strong>– Bella <strong>–<strong>  
><strong>

You're an angel, you are. And not even in disguise. You think I don't know what I mean to you. I know, I do. But I don't take it for granted, ever. Not anymore. I can't lose you, because you're mine. We both try hard to make this work, and it does.

It works.

I work full time as you go through your residency. You come home to me, often tired, but after a cuddle and a meal, you start talking about your day. Always with this glow in your eyes that makes me smile. You live for this. It's worth the struggle.

Always.

Double shifts at the hospital as your internship comes to an end. You work on papers and, too tired to check for mistakes, I read it over once more as you fall asleep with your head in my lap. My fingers in your hair. I love you, I love you.

I do.

Almost there, you're almost done. You don't realize I take over even more of the household duties. My fifty-hour weeks fade when it comes to the importance of your residency. At least, I think so. You come home to me, exhausted but happy. You try to be happy. We are counting the days.

Only ten to go.

It is come, the day has arrived — you'll be graduating. Your mentor is proud and in the general speech you're specifically mentioned. I snap a picture as you accept your certificate. Proud, so proud, I feel I'm going to burst. You did it. You made it.

You're a doctor now.

We've been on hold for years, or so it has felt. But you get offered a job right away and we get no time for rest. The holiday I arranged is canceled, I go back to my work when I should have been on leave. I smile like I mean it. An opportunity he couldn't miss, I tell my workmates. Plenty of time to travel once he's settled in.

Right?

Lost in your job, I lose track of you. I let you go, knowing how important it is for you to be sure in what you do. To my surprise you come back to me, suddenly, startled as if jolted awake. "No way," you say. "Not like that again. I'm not forgetting you." I smile and kiss you.

"I know."

Time passes as it has always done. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. You call me at work one day, and I pick up, oblivious. You do that sometimes, just to hear my voice. But your voice doesn't sound right when you say hello. You say you have bad news.

You say I will want to sit down.

My father, an accident at work. As a cop, he always is at risk when on duty. A burglar, surprised at being caught, fired his gun. Charlie's abdomen is perforated, they're performing surgery. Internal bleeding, damage, the words form into a blur as the shock washes over me.

I sit down.

My mother doesn't know yet. She's hours away, unreachable as usual. I go to Angela's office, I have to go to the hospital but I have clients today. She looks at me as I relay the story, and immediately tells me she will take care of things. She calls me a cab.

She won't let me drive.

I wait for hours. Edward, I know, is still in the ER. Working on the man that shot my dad. I have to sit on my hands to keep myself from moving. Edward is helping the man that hurt my dad. Even though I this is how it goes, the injustice of it all makes me sick.

I cry.

My mother is still not even on her way here when a strange doctor tells me that my dad has been moved to recovery. Numb, like a robot, I follow the white coat through a long hallway. I have not eaten since this morning, and my empty stomach is playing up with the scents that burn in my nose.

He opens a door.

My dad, so frail suddenly in that big hospital bed. His breathing taken over by a monstrous device, the tube in his throat prevents him from speaking. His eyes open when he hears me coming in. I swallow my tears away. He can't see them.

I have to be strong.

I sit at his bed for hours, or days. I no longer know. I will not leave before I know he will live. I hold his hand, and every so often, he squeezes me. Like I am the one that should be reassured. Edward joins me later that night, broken and beat. He reads Charlie's chart, tries to sound upbeat.

I know he's lying.

Please, daddy, please, I don't want you to die. I'm not ready for that yet, and I know you aren't either. Stay strong and fight. I'll be right here with you. Renee is here too. You spend as much time with us as you can. Slowly, by the hour, I can see my dad getting stronger. After three days we're sure.

He's going to make it.


	14. 14 Edward

**A/N I don't own Twilight**

_As ever thanks to Sherriola!_

* * *

><p><strong>- Edward -<strong>

Recovery is a bitch, I know. I've seen it happen one too many times during my residency. Now, up close and personal, we watch Charlie struggle to get back to normal. The three of us discuss a plan of action. Charlie can't live alone, and Renée can't be relied upon. I don't want her to move out.

Charlie moves in.

A new change in a life that has never felt normal to begin with. Sometimes I wonder when we will get a break. Not from the misery, because in that respect we have been blessed, I know. But in the normalcy. I want some quiet, I am more than ready for that. Instead, I step back and watch her care for her father.

She glows.

She's so happy to have him close, and for the first time I realize how much they really mean to each other. Renée goes back home and doesn't come back. It seems they don't even mind, not really. Charlie thrives under my wife's care.

It makes me happy to see them thus.

He stays longer than absolutely necessary, I'm sure. I find I don't mind. They keep each other company when I have to work overtime again. Charlie gives us privacy when he can, the stoic man surprisingly apt to anticipate when she and I need some time alone. He never complains.

He is content.

When it's time for him to go back home, she is sadder than expected. Soon however, she rediscovers the joy of being alone again. It's like we have found each other anew, reveling in our new privacy. No surface is safe and we laugh for days when the kitchen table breaks.

I love her.

Finally, finally, work settles down. Hers does too, and we book a holiday. The first in forever, or so it seems. A sunny state, a week of nothing. The next time we'll go, it will be an active holiday. For now, we just want to soak in the sun and enjoy the peace.

Bliss.

Autumn makes the leaves change color again. Something is different in her, but I can't tell what it is. My mind contracts when I see her changes and can't explain them. As a doctor, I should know. On one rainy night, she sits me down and puts my hand on her belly.

Pregnant.

I shout my joy. I ask again. And then again. She really is. Her smile radiant, any apprehension for my reaction evaporated. I pick her up and swirl her around, so happy, so happy. Unplanned but wanted, wanted so much. We look each other in the eyes and smile.

I'm going to be a dad.

I guess the 'normal' will have to wait. Her belly grows and it's magnificent to see her body change. I didn't realize I could love her more. Determined to be not like I've seen happen with friends, I am with her every step of the way. She doesn't have to do this alone.

Besides, I don't want to miss a thing.

We leave the sex unknown. It will be a surprise for us all. Picking colors for the nursery, buying a stroller, a cradle, diapers and things I didn't even know existed. Reading books, we're both studying again until the witching hour.

We want to do this right.

Her cravings are a source of laughter, but she's so very sensible with it all. I didn't expect any less, but she amazes me with every step nonetheless. Her belly so big, I can't stop touching it. The doctor said it was safe to make love, so that's what I do.

I can't stop loving her.

Her friends are elated, and half the things we don't have to buy, it seems. Gifts keep on coming in. My parents offer to babysit. For them it's natural, and we are grateful for the offer. When the due date comes closer, she grows nervous. Trying to get her to talk to me, she just cries and shuts herself off.

She is afraid.

Finally, I get her to talk. It's not what I expected she'd say. Not the fear of the delivery is what has her lying awake at night, but the fear of history repeating itself. She knows her mother, flighty, irresponsible. What if she won't be a good mom? I reassure her with a kiss.

She will be perfect.

The ninth month arrives, and we both grow nervous. Two weeks before the date, She calls me at work. "It is starting." Three words that will change my life forever. My parents bring her to the hospital, and I change from my scrubs to my regular clothes. I may be a doctor, but right now, I am her husband.

It's happening.

An easy delivery, they said. Don't let her hear it, because she will disagree. Hours of breathing, of pain, of pushing. But she does it herself, and for that I am proud. I admire her even more than I have ever done. She squeezes my hand, fighting the pain. And then the head comes out.

It's a boy.

* * *

><p><em>The next chapter will be the last, and will be up as soon as I can figure out how I want this story to end. <em>


	15. 15 Bella

**A/N Twilight isn't mine**

_I can't believe it's been a year since I updated this. It's because I had such a hard time writing this final chapter. _

_I would like to dedicate this story to Katalina Roseph, who passed away recently. I am mourning her loss even though I only talked to her a few times. I wish strength to the ones she leaves behind, and I will forever admire the way she danced through her life. _

_Sometimes, life just isn't flowers and unicorns. Sometimes, life makes you loose your footing, and you can only hope the sun will come out again._

__Get out some tissues. It won't be a nice ride_. _

_I love you.  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>- Bella -<strong>

Being a mother is not like they show it in movies. It's better. I count his tiny fingers and toes, and every day, he has ten of each. A button nose and big blue eyes. Copper hair and a rosebud mouth. His daddy's child through and through.

I love them both.

Interrupted nights and dragging days. Still, he's a quiet child, never asking much attention. Not that he ever has to ask. You are a doting father, getting up during the first half of the night. You never complain. Under your eyes, the shadows grow. Young parents, we are.

We glow.

The boy, named Anthony Carlisle, learns to crawl, and then to walk. I love to feed him, love I can give that to him. You watch, your face infinitely tender. Mesmerized by the wonder of a mother feeding a child. Often, we're in the rocking chair, me on your lap, and Anthony at my breast.

A family.

I can't seem to beat the exhaustion I feel. Giving up my job, I focus on our child. You are around as much as you can, but work demands your attention as we knew it would when you chose this education. That's okay. When you're home with us, we have your full focus.

I love you.

Anthony, my little angel, grows into a toddler that I love more every day. His eyes now green, his hair as thick as yours, his little chin as stubborn as my father's. I push on, but sleep more and more. Must be motherhood. You are the sweetest, taking over care and kid, letting me sleep in the mornings. In the afternoons. Your eyes search mine. I look away.

Nothing's wrong.

It's Sunday afternoon and it's raining. Anthony is sleeping - you put him to bed because I didn't have the energy to get up. "We need to talk," you say, but I know it's not about us. We're good; I can feel it in my gut. But your eyes are serious when you sit down next to me.

You take my hand.

A doctor, you tell me. You want me to see a doctor for the exhaustion I feel. I wave you away. "It's nothing." Just a bit tired. Must be the weather. Maybe a cold. Nothing more. It'll pass, I'm sure. I just need a good night's sleep. You cup my face and look into my eyes.

"Please."

Your parents watch Anthony as you take me to a doc. I dislike hospitals, even though I know you work here. You hold my hand as we wait for the specialist to see us. Minutes feel like hours, and my mind somersaults. I can no longer deny what I've been hiding.

Something is wrong.

The doctor sees me, and does some standard tests. I answer questions on autopilot, my head already back at home with our son. I don't want to be here, but I'll do this, for you. I can't stand it you're worried. I whip my mind into focus, concentrate on the now. The doctor's face is tight in concentration.

I want to go home.

I have to return for more tests. Caught at work, you can't join me for every one, but I find I don't mind as much. It means you will see less to worry about. This, I have to bear alone, I realize. When I get back home, I give in to my tears. As long as they're gone before you get home.

I am lonely.

The call comes a week later, the news devastating. Cancer, the bad kind. We cry together, so scared, so scared. This wasn't supposed to happen. I cry when you make love to me, touching my body that I feel betrayed me. We sleep with Anthony in our midst, constantly touching. We both lie awake every night.

So insecure.

Swept up in treatments, I lose my hair before I've come to grips with what is actually happening. You take leave from work, so we can be together as much as possible, Anthony with us, of course. I cling to you, find comfort in your eyes as my body fights what feels like the inevitable.

I am so afraid.

The chemo takes its toll on my body and demands more than my hair. My weight drops, my energy fails me. Racked by seemingly endless vomiting, I wonder if this really is the best option I have. But I want to live. I need to live. You need me, and Anthony needs me.

I cannot die.

The first few rounds of chemo will determine if I will have some more time on this earth or not. I smile at you, at Anthony, but it's forced. I don't trust the signs of my body anymore, and it makes me panic. I am not ready to die, not yet. There is so much I need to do still on this earth.

I need more time.

I cuddle Anthony one last time before we go to the doctor, you and I. Today I will learn if the cancer was beaten or not. We sit in silence. Everything has been said. I wonder if the news I get today will surprise me. Our names are called and we get up.

Here we go.

Take my hand?

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.


End file.
